


Une bonne baise

by emimix3



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad French, English, First-hand embarassement, Language Barrier, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 03:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17696435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emimix3/pseuds/emimix3
Summary: Bittle tries to be cute and it's Way Too Much Too Deal With, Marde, What Should I DO for one Jack Zimmermann;Or, where Bitty learns the importance of writing the silent letters in French.





	Une bonne baise

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ! Please make sure the Creator's Style is on, I suffered too much on the HTML  
> Set during Year 2
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy !
> 
> I'm on tumblr @insertatitlehere

Jack had his first class at only eleven on Wednesdays. That was great; it was the one morning of the entire week he was able to sleep in, because, well, he may be dragging his weight out of bed every morning as the sun was raising, but that didn’t mean he _enjoyed to_.

Because he didn’t. He truly, really didn’t. He liked his beauty sleep, thank you very much.

All the other guys had classes at ten for the latest, so when he went downstairs at a quarter to ten, he ran into Bittle and Ransom, who were putting on their shoes and rushed outside before Jack got to even say hello. They were late, who would have guessed.

When heading to the kitchen to grab something to eat, the first thing Jack noticed was the smell that was coming out of the oven. Betty? Betsy? was on. A quick peek inside let Jack see that there were cookies in there. How _late_ had Bittle been, exactly? He had forgotten a batch of cookies in the oven. Bittle never forgets a batch of cookies in the oven.

Jack shrugged it off, still too tired to care, and put the tray on the hotplates to cool. The cookies were really tan. Jack continued his usual routine, only going back to the cookies right before he had to leave for class -they were now cool enough, so he put them in a Tupperware. Maybe he had to take two or four of them in a napkin, but they were so many cookies and so little space in the box… It’s not like he had a choice.

On his way out, he shot a text to Bittle, in case in a random moment of lucidity he remembered about the cookies during the day. Jack wouldn’t put past him to rush out in the middle of a class to run back home. It’s only when Jack was sitting in the middle of the lecture hall for his Medieval History class, waiting for the lesson to begin, that he took the time to check if Bittle had replied.

 

**Bittle Teammate, Jack**

>> hey Bittle, you forgot some cookies in the oven this morning. I put them in the blue tupp on the counter.

> OMG THANK YOU I had totallt gorgotten:!!!!!!  
> Betsy was so temperamental she was stopping every 5 minutes and thn I was almost late for French class!!! You’re my saviour!!!!  
> Merci! Dès que nous nous revoyons, je donne à toi une bonne baise.

 

Eh.

          What.

                    What the fuck.

          Quoi

                                                                     HEIN

**QUE**

**_Q U O I_ **

                                                                     De.

          Hein ?

 

Quooooooooooi. Quoi. Quoi.

... Quoi.

 

“So, last week we stopped at the beginning of the crusades… Let’s see how it changed things in Europe-”

 

Jack couldn’t even hear the prof. His eyes were stuck on his phone, as if it contained all the answers of the universe.

It very probably did.

 

“Hey Jack, you okay?” Camila, next to him, asked with worry.

“Yeeeeeeeeees. Yees. Good. Yes.”

“You’re beet red. You just received a nude, or what?”

“Haha. Hahaha. Ha.”

 

The lecture had been long. Jack had not been able to focus at all. All he could think about was Bittle. Who, just like that, offered him

  
a

good

fuck.

 

He was thinking about that, and the fact that, well, now that he had it in mind… Well. Jack very much wanted to have sex with Bittle.

Bittle was cute Bittle was nice. Bittle was soft. Bittle smelt good. Bittle was hot.

Bittle just proposed him some sex.

Jack was looking like a lunatic all day, he knew that. Blushing, wide-eyed, keyed up, unfocused, and not talking much. He had grabbed a late lunch with Lardo in the art building, but hadn’t been able to utter more than three words in a row, even when prompted. He had gone to class, hadn’t been able to understand anything. Went to the library, but he forgot how to read. He was too busy thinking about cute, nice, funny, soft, hot Bittle, and he was slowly realising that, welp. Maybe. Probably. Definitely.

 

He liked him.

 

During his short, yet tumultuous closeted bi life, Jack had made a point of honour not to think about guys like _that,_ because life was difficult enough as it was. But now that Bitty himself mentioned it… Jack couldn’t help but think about him _like that_. And it was great. And it made him realise so many things. Why he enjoyed checking clinics so much and how they even managed to make him smile in the morning. Why he was looking at his phone with so much _hope_ when he received a text now. Why he spent so much money at Annie’s, when he doesn’t even drink coffee anymore with his new meds. Why his photography assignment was like… _this_.

 

Because he loved Bitty. And Bitty wanted to have sex with him.

 

The penny dropped.

 

_Oh my God oh my god oh my GooO ooooOOooOOoooOOD & MON GODE_

_HolY SHIT ?¿??¡¡!!! Mah? Mah?!! Je vais_ **KEN this is not a drill** I like Bitty and Bitty wanna have S E **X** with me une Bonne Baise MAIS les baises ne peuvent être que **B O N N E S** crisse crisse crisse crisse whY HOW How did I get so ~luuUUUUucky~  AAAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

Shitty’s hand on his shoulder made him turn his attention to his friend, who was working on his thesis.

 

“Hey brah, I know you’re working on your own, but can you take a look at what I just wrote?” he shushed.

 

Oh yeah. They were still in the library.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Jack, who had a book open on the exact same page for the last twenty minutes, replied.

“Great. Thirty more minutes, and then let’s get back to the Haus. I wish I had your focus abilities, Robot-Boy.”

 

Back to the Haus. Where Bitty will be waiting for him. For sex. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It was. A pretty long half an hour.

And indeed, in the Haus, Bitty was waiting. He was in the kitchen, working on his homework when Shitty and Jack arrived here. Shitty greeted him with a big smile and a fist bump while walking to the fridge to grab a Coke, and Jack. Jack stayed in the doorway, sweating buckets.

 

“Hey! Jack! My saviour! A saint among men!” Bitty beamed when he saw him.

 

 _God he’s so pretty and he wants_ me _I look like a potato what the hell what great deeds have I done to deserve this_

 

“A saint? He’s Jewish.”

“Shush, Shitty-”

 

And Bitty got up

And he came to Jack

And he kissed him

(on the cheek.)

 

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

 

Jack gasped.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit it was too much he was going to BURN into FLAMES holy roly poly SHIT he was in LOOOooOOOVE

Shitty shrugged and went out of the kitchen, pushing Jack who blocked the way out. That snapped him out of it.

He couldn’t have _the_ sex if he was combusting for a mere kiss. Jack needed to tell Bitty and hope he wouldn’t be disappointed to the point of not wanting anything to do with him ever again.

Jack hid his crimson face in his hands and said:

 

“Bitty I’m so sorry. I can’t right now, ask me again once I’m calmed down.”

“I- What?”

“What you texted about? I mean, it’s a big yes, but I’m definitely too overwhelmed for that right now.”

“What are you talking about?” Bitty asked, and he was frowning.

 

Jack. Was pretty sure he was clear enough. Maybe not.

 

“… Une bonne baise?”

 

Bitty frowned more.

 

“Yes, I just gave you one.”

“… No?”

“Yeah? A nice kiss?”

 

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

 

Jack turned from crimson, to grey, to crimson again, all under five seconds.

 

“Oh; shit.”

 

And he ran away from the kitchen.

He made his way to his room, as fast as he could, and he decided that crouching into a foetal position on his desk chair was the best solution to this whole fuck train.

Yeah, of course Bitty didn’t mean it LIKE THAT, gros dégueulasse ! Pour qui tu te prends ? Crisse, crisse, crisse de marde-

 

The door slammed open, letting in one a bit angry, a lot confused Bitty, who wasn’t here to fuck around. Or fuck at all.

 

“The hell?”

 

Jack sat a bit more correctly in his chair, dragged out of his thoughts by the commotion.

 

“Sorry, Bittle- I- I misunderstood. I’m so sorry.”

“You mis- Jack. What did I say.”

“Nothing, nothing. Just. Drop it, Bittle.”

“Jack.”

“Stop.”

“ _Jack.”_

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Jack what is UNE BONNE BAISE? JACK, ANSWER-“

“IT IS A GOOD FUCK, BITTY!”

“ **WHAT.** ”

 

Oops.

 

Welp. The cock was out of the bag.

 

Jack was hiding his eyes. After a few seconds, he peeked over his fingers, to see that Bitty was so red in the face that he was almost purple.

 

“It is. Not a nice kiss?” he asked, slowly.

“Nope,” Jack replied, just as slow. “Kiss is… Un baiser. But we barely use it? Une baise for a fuck is really, really common on the other hand…”

“I am. Mortified.”

“I. I know. Definitely.”

“Oh my God.”

 

Bitty let himself slide against the door, so he was now sitting in the floor and could hide his face a bit more. He still was looking at Jack, though. And Jack didn’t know what the hell he should be doing right now. He was a guy who pretty much relied on instinct, and his instinct right now was to puke. So.

 

“Jack,” Bitty finally said after, what? Three hours? Fifteen years?

“Yeeah?”

“You said. Yes,” he began. “You thought I meant sex. And you said, _yes_.”

 

Jack hid a bit more and just groaned.

Please, just smother him, make him suffocate under his weighted blanket or choke on his own saliva or even, whatever, make that Canada suddenly declares a war on the moose so he’s called back home to serve his country and so he never has to see (soft, nice, cute, funny, hot) Bittle ever again in the history of like, at _least_ ever.

 

“ _Jack._ ”

“I said yes because I realised that I liked you, okay? And the mere idea of having sex with you sounded like a very awesome and great idea. And that I’d take any scrap you’ll give me. I’m so sorry.”

“ _Oh._ ”

 

Bittle seemed to have calmed down a little -his hands were now away from his face, instead tapping on his thighs while he was looking at the ceiling. He still was red, though. Bitty not being on the verge (… _verge_ , Jack, s’il te plaît _arrête)_ of a panic attack calmed down Jack a bit. At least now, he wasn’t trembling so much that he couldn’t move his hands as he wanted, and he was free to stim to his heart’s content.

 

“… Jack, are you really set on the sex?”

“Bitty I am set on nothing except that I love you? With one mistranslated idea you managed to override all my programs, turn me into a blue screen of death and put me on reboot mode all day long,” Jack honestly admitted, because if he dug any farther maybe he’ll find some oil after all.

“Ok. Because-” Bitty got up, his fists closed and his eyes low, “-that’s definitely a no for me _right now_ , but-”

Bitty walked up

And he came to Jack

And he kissed him

(on the goddamn mouth)

 

Before Jack could react (and he couldn’t! not for another decade, at least!) Bitty had bolted back to the door, and he quickly said ‘I like you too goodnight Jack see you tomorrow’ before yeeting out of the room.

 

Yep, Jack thought, as he had his face under both his pillows and his blanket folded in two on his back, to try to ground him somewhere while he was computing all of this and not freak out over an overwhelming amount of _feels_ because BITTY HAD

  
**KISSED HIM**

**WITH HIS LIPS**

**ON HIS LIPS**

** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA **

that was better for everyone if they took it slow a little. Also, Bitty should definitely learn how to give first aid, because Jack will probably die of a heart attack the day they’ll upgrade to handholding.

**Author's Note:**

> I wouldn't even know how to translate accurately "a nice kiss" in French ? Baiser is, indeed, barely used, ('bisou' ain't much more) and nice is one of those words you can't really translate because it means so many things.  
> Une bonne baise is totally, absolutely, translated "a good fuck" though


End file.
